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How to Walk Away From Your Pain, and Embrace a Life of Peace

How to Walk Away From Your Pain and Embrace a Life of PeaceHow to Walk Away From Your Pain and Embrace a Life of Peace

It was the tipping point. The beginning of the fall. No, it wasn’t a crash, a sudden impact dive that you didn’t see coming. I saw this coming. I could feel it making its way toward me and yet, I was entirely helpless to stop it.

It was a slow, distinct unraveling. That moment where you can feel the wheels teetering ever so slightly out of balance until the whole thing comes unhinged. My heart, that is.

This was the season of my undoing.

I was quite certain I had never planned for this. My life was a well-structured agenda of fortitude, perseverance, accomplishments. They needed me in some misconstrued way, yet I needed them more.

From my earliest memories, I can recall that feeling, deep in my bones, that insane and horrific gnawing that I was not enough. That I would have to prove myself. I needed to be special. I needed to feel worthy. Loved.

I heard people say, If you try hard enough, you can accomplish anything.

I believed them.

So I set my face like flint against the wind, I measured my sails, and I set out to prove my worth to the world.

Whatever it takes, that was my motto.

Whether that meant hours of studying or practicing to be good enough. Whether it meant endless miles running wrapped in plastic wrap to be skinny enough, I did it. That was me.

In seventh grade, I was voted Most Likely To Succeed in my class. It felt good. The awards felt good. Just not quite good enough.

I kept going. I thought there was some point where I would arrive. Where I would attain. Where I would be enough.

Yet, inside I knew there was something adrift. If I was quiet enough, I could hear the tremors begin to quake. I felt the muffled pangs just beneath the surface.

I wanted to be healed. I longed to know what wholeness felt like. I craved peace more than anything I could imagine.

That must be for someone else, I thought, but it must not be for me.

I often felt like the woman in Scripture reaching out, desperate to touch the threads that lined the hem of Jesus’ robe. Surely if I could touch Him, she must have thought, then I would be healed. (Mark 5:21-34)

I understood the longing of the blind man, who day after day, hoped and prayed that he would one day see. How could he have known his Savior, his Healer would come with a little clay and a little spit near the pool of Siloam and give him everything he’d ever hoped for. How? (John 9:1-12)

I could see myself like Peter, shivering in the waves and wind as he stepped out of the boat onto the Sea of Galilee. If only I had enough fortitude to keep my eyes on Jesus, I could have walked on water without sinking beneath the waves of doubt and fear that pulled me under. (Matthew 14:22-33)

And then my healing came. Not in the way you’d expect. Jesus ushered me into a sacred place. A sacred season. Jesus led me to this season of healing and He never let go.

I heard Him whisper to me, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

I needed rest.

Each week, in my season of healing, Jesus faithfully sat with me as I unpacked the weight of burdens that had become too heavy for me to carry. I could feel His hand resting on the back of my aching hand as I connected stories of my past, my wounding. He held me in His arms as I wept for the broken things that had drained any measure of hope in my soul. I felt Him. I found rest in Him.

As I learned new ways of being, new ways of believing, like a proud parent, He lovingly coaxed and cheered me on as I took my first measured, stumbling steps.

Jesus sat with pride as He watched me rebuild the foundation of my life. He nurtured the roots of our relationship well. I felt my worth for the first time. I saw His delight in me.

I was building and living a life of peace. It was all I had ever hoped for. Longed for. To breathe. To feel solid and sure. To experience wholeness. To experience abundance. Physical abundance, spiritual abundance, emotional abundance.

In John 10:10b (NKJV) Jesus shares, I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

Psalm 29:11 (NIV) adds, The Lord gives strength to His people.  The Lord blesses his people with peace.

The Hebrew word for peace, shalom, refers to wholeness, completeness, safety, soundness and fullness. I believe that God’s desire for each of us as individuals is to experience that kind of abundance in our lives, both spiritually and emotionally.

The Peace Pilgrimage

As I’ve counseled thousands of individuals and couples during my career as a Professional Therapist —or desert guide, as I like to describe my profession —the one thing that my clients universally long for is not money, not success, not even happiness. The one thing they desire more than anything else is peace.

Peace isn’t some elusive feeling. Peace is not a holy grail of emotionalism. Peace is simply the by-product of a life built on a foundation of Emotional Abundance.

Emotional Abundance is built from the ground up. Emotional Abundance is something that can be cultivated and embraced, that will alter everything about how we experience God, ourselves, and those with whom we are in relationship.

Thomas Merton poignantly portrayed, “We are not at peace with others because we are not at peace with ourselves, and we are not at peace with ourselves because we are not at peace with God.”

I’ve discovered three ways we can walk away from our pain, and embrace a life of peace.

  1. By Examining Our Lives from the Bottom Up

We will only experience true peace as we first experience peace with God. Peace with God is the foundation of a solid, stable life, filled with richness and beauty and meaning. We were created as spiritual beings, in His image.   We were created to have a connection, a deep and vital relationship with the God of the Universe. We were not meant to be ships anchored unto ourselves, tossed by the whims and waves of life. We were designed to be ships anchored into something powerful, something larger than ourselves that steadies and strengthens us for the journey.

  1. By Discovering The Man (or Woman) In the Mirror

Peace with God is what allows us to come face to face with ourselves and cultivate peace within the interior spaces of our beings. We cannot begin to own our emotional identity if we do not own our spiritual identity as the beloved of our Father. We cannot learn to be kind or compassionate with ourselves if we have not grasped hold of God’s great hand of compassion that is always reaching toward us. To find, discover, lay hold of His safe refuge that allows us to be authentic and strong, passionate and purposeful is perhaps our most transcendent blessing.

  1. By Cultivating Healthy, Thriving Relationships

As Merton describes, we are only capable of attaining peace in our relationships if we have laid the foundation of peace with God and peace with ourselves. How could we believe that we could experience abundant relationships if we had never experienced an abundant self? Yet, as we discover peace with ourselves, we are able to enjoy and celebrate true abundance, true peace in our relationships. We are able to be more emotionally honest, more centered and stable. We are able to breathe life and freedom into our relationships.

Life doesn’t change. We change.

[clickToTweet tweet="Life doesn’t change. We change. #peaceforalifetime" quote="Life doesn’t change. We change."]

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime– Embracing a Life of Hope, Wholeness, and Harmony through Emotional Abundance, I walk with readers through whatever season of life they are in, and lay out simple, practical life-steps that will help them find healing and will nurture Emotional Abundance in every area of their lives.

Is peace something that has always eluded you?

Is peace something you have always wanted in your relationships, but have never managed to experience, at least not for any length of time?

Do you, too, feel so alone in your brokenness that hope simply seems beyond your reach?

You don’t have to keep trying so hard to prove your worth. You don’t have to keep pushing, hoping that everything will turn out okay. Healing isn’t just for someone else. Healing is for you.

[clickToTweet tweet="Healing isn’t just for someone else. Healing is for you. #peaceforalifetime" quote="Healing isn’t just for someone else. Healing is for you."]

Jesus is whispering to you, Come to me…

Will you come to Him today? Will you accept the peace He has for you? Will you let Him walk you from your season of pain right into His peace?

You can experience the love for which you long.

You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine.

You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow.

You can experience peace —for a lifetime.

Blessings,

Lisa

About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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Because Anniversaries Need To Be Celebrated...(Plus a Giveaway)

Who doesn't LOVE anniversaries?  I can’t believe it has been a YEAR since my book, “Peace For A Lifetime” launched! What a sweet year it has been to see how God turned my healing journey into a passion to equip others to find the healing and abundance God has designed for each of us.

 

From where I sat twenty years ago, I could not have imagined that life could feel anything other than scattered, overwhelmed, broken, and hopeless. Yes, hopeless. I felt the life I longed for was way beyond my reach. I thought a life of peace, of strength, of abundance was for everyone else, NOT for me.

 

But then God changed EVERYTHING! He gave me the missing “PEACE” in my life. I discovered that He not only longed for me to experience spiritual healing, or even physical healing. In truth, He longed for me to experience emotional healing, too.

 

God showed me how to find balance in my emotions, how to sort through them effectively. He revealed to me my belovedness, taught me how I could love myself, and began to build in me a strong, solid sense of my identity in Christ. Amazingly, He showed me how I could build relationships that were safe, healthy, and abundant.

 

“Peace For A Lifetime” is the story of my broken path into healing and abundance. I could not have imagined how it has helped thousands of individuals, couples, and families find peace for their lives, too.

 

[clickToTweet tweet="#PeaceForALifetime is the story of my broken path into healing and abundance. " quote="“Peace For A Lifetime” is the story of my broken path into healing and abundance. "]

 

Order Your Copy Here!

 

One Amazon reviewer described “Peace For A Lifetime’s” impact this way:

 

I now know what happened to me and I need healing and not 1000s of pills that never work, many doctors, shock treatments, millions of dollars my insurance has paid out for over 30 years to relive me of the pain. I can't calm myself or control my emotions, and what is more amazing solutions that really work, which I have never found in my life, until I read this book. You know me 100%. Father, I thank you for leading me to this wonderful book. I will always treasure the writer for finally setting me free from the darkness I have lived in since I was a child.

 

Another detailed:

 

What is my dream? Emotional Abundance! I can't explain impact, depth and soul searching that I encountered when reading Peace for a Lifetime. No matter what "group" that we had experienced AA-NA-CR-or one-on-one therapy Lisa makes you think... really think. My first read I rushed through and wanted more so back I went for my second read and WOW the light was shining brightly over my soul, spirit and brain and I dissected each chapter like a scientist would a project... but this was my project and chance to fulfill the questions and why's of my emotions. The section of building an emotional vocabulary is pure genius and I have already put this vocabulary to use along with the meanings of my emotions that I was otherwise blowing up or glossing over...Life Changing!!! Seriously... Life Changing! Thank You Lisa Murray! If you are looking for a roadmap to emotional peace, I pray if you haven’t read “Peace For A Lifetime” yet, you will get a copy TODAY!

 

Order Your Copy Here!

 

“Peace For A Lifetime” hit #5 on Amazon’s Best-Selling Christian Counseling List!

“Peace For A Lifetime” has a 5-star rating on Amazon!

The book has even been selected as a Featured Resource by the American Association of Christian Counselors!.

 

So what are you waiting for? If you or someone you know needs emotional healing from depression, anxiety, brokenness, addiction, relationship struggles, or spiritual questions, give them this book!

 

Since this week is the one-year anniversary of “Peace For A Lifetime’s” launch, I would also LOVE for you to share this on your social media channels.  Please consider the book for a group Bible study, as a resource in your church's library/bookstore, or as the topic for your women's retreats this year.  Our church's need resources to meet the emotional needs of its members.

This might be just the thing someone needs to read today!

Leave a comment, tag someone, or share the post this week, using the hashtag #PeaceForALifetime and you will be entered to win a FREE book!!!! 

Winner will be announced next week:)

 

Blessings,

Lisa


About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  


Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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Three Ways To Maximize Peace In Your Relationships

How to stop enabling and start loving well 

A friend posted a quote on Facebook the other day. It said, We must not confuse the command to love with the disease to please. @lysaterkerust

 

How true, I thought instantly.

 

We struggle to know how to love, when to love, where to love. We grapple to acknowledge when our love isn’t loving, when it is nothing short of enabling.

 

We all have those relationships. We each have people in our lives who somehow expand their level of taking while never getting around to giving, who always seem to be in a crisis, and who never want to listen to advice.

 

The cajole us. They blame us. They manipulate us interminably because we are afraid to say no— afraid of the anger, afraid of the disappointment, perhaps we’re afraid of the punishment to come and most certainly, we’re afraid of being rejected.

 

We desperately want things to be different. We had so many hopes and dreams for what our lives with family and friends would look like. We never envisioned this.

 

Enabling has become such a catchphrase in our culture. Though in a positive sense enabling can be used to denote empowerment, in a negative sense, according to Wikepedia:

 

“Enabling can describe dysfunctional behavior approaches that are intended to help resolve a specific problem but in fact may perpetuate or exacerbate the problem. A common theme of enabling in this latter sense is that third parties take responsibility or blame, or make accommodations for a person's harmful conduct (often with the best of intentions, or from fear or insecurity which inhibits action). The practical effect is that the person himself or herself does not have to do so, and is shielded from awareness of the harm it may do, and the need or pressure to change. Enabling in this sense is a major environmental cause of addiction.”

 

We have become a nation of enablers. As parents, we stand between our children and the consequences of their actions because we feel it defines our love as better, or stronger, for our children. We believe that rescuing is helping. Desperately needing to feel loved ourselves, and having placed our children on the altar of our emotional needs, we are immobilized from saying or doing anything that might threaten their love for us.

 

As friends and family, we try to be helpful, loving. We always tell ourselves, this will be the last time, knowing full well somewhere in the back quarter of our minds that it won’t be. We tell ourselves, that’s what good parents do for their children, that’s what friends do for each other, that’s what being a good Christian means.

 

We need them to love us because many of us do not know how to love ourselves. We use their love as a surrogate love that was never meant to fill the hole inside of us, the place where God’s love and our love was meant to fill.

 

What do we do? How do we determine where we end and another begins? How do we begin to forge healthy boundaries so that we can actually love others, without enabling them?

 

Assess whether your efforts to help have helped.

 

Have your acts of love led to any real, consistent behavioral change? Is this the fifth time your child has totaled the family car? Has the money you’ve given a loved one really gotten them out of a crisis and put them back up on the road toward health and stability? Have you ever been repaid?

 

If what we want is behavioral change, if we want our friends and our children to make better choices, are they? If not, chances are that your love and your help have not been loving or helpful.

 

The first step towards behavioral change is sincerely owning responsibility for one’s life and having a heart change. Owning responsibility never blames, never rationalizes, and is not angry. Owning responsibility is simply that. It is heartfelt and is followed by repentance. Repentance is defined as, turning from sin and dedicating oneself to the amendment of one's life; to feel regret or contrition; to change one’s mind.

 

You can always tell when there is heart change. Heart change is always followed by behavioral change. Apologies, rationalizations, blame, threats rarely lead to life change.

 

Determine what boundaries are needed for you to stop enabling your loved ones.

 

Do you need to stop rescuing your children? Do you need to stop giving money, room and board, or transportation when it only seems to perpetuate the insanity, and continue the dysfunctional cycle? Do our loved ones need to face the consequences of their choices? Do our friends and family members need to find the answers to their problems themselves instead of looking to you to be the answer to their problems?

 

What do you need to do or better yet, stop doing, to lovingly allow your loved ones to come face to face with themselves and God in order to determine the path they will pursue on their journeys. Love them. Give them the gift of facing the results of their choices, their hearts, their lives, and having the opportunity to build a life that’s radically different.

 

Learn the most loving word, “No.”

 

Whatever emotions surface inside of you as a result of saying “no” are your responsibility. Don’t place them on someone else. Lean in. Listen.

 

If you’ve never learned how to love yourself and continue the enabling in an effort to find and feel love, even for a fleeting and perhaps, destructive moment, you can begin today. Learn how to experience God’s love for you. Learn how to give the gift of love to yourself. You are beloved. You are worthy. You are enough. It is never someone else’s job to give that to you. It is your job. Open yourself to the love that is waiting for you.

 

When your friend or loved one asks something of you that you know you should not do, calmly, respectfully say “no.” Free them. Free yourself. Focus on the things you can do. You can pray. Perhaps you can offer suggestions, if they are requested. Freedom allows everyone to determine how they want to engage their lives, how they want to move forward with clarity into their future.

 

Just because someone has a problem doesn’t mean that it is your problem. Love sees the long-term game and is willing to sacrifice short-term pay-offs to ensure the potential of future success.

 

  • Assess whether your efforts to help have helped.
  • Determine what boundaries are needed to stop enabling your loved ones.
  • Learn to use the most loving word, “No.”

 

You will find freedom in your heart and mind. You will find abundance in your relationships. You will find peace.

 

My new book Peace for a Lifetime speaks to the heart of relationships and teaches us how we can build Emotional Abundance into our lives so our relationships can flourish. If your relationships seem filled with heartache, chaos, and disappointment, if you are lost wondering what to do next, this book will outline simple, practical ways you can cultivate healthy, stable relationships that will maximize the peace in your life.

 

To order your copy, click here!

 

 

What is the relationship that is hardest for you to draw healthy boundaries? Leave your comment below. I’d love us to learn and grow with each other.

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Just When I Thought I Was About To Go Under

I was helpless to prevent myself from drowning. 

Such was the dilemma in all of my relationships.

 

I needed my relationships somehow to fill me, to fix me, to feed all of the dry and hungry parts of my soul. I needed their strength. I needed their comfort. I needed their love. Punishing and critical of myself, I was obsessed with winning other’s approval. I felt it impossible to say no to friend’s demands. I could never speak my thoughts and feelings, and I did my very best to avoid any conflict that came my way.

 

I could feel the undertow. The exhaustion. Pulling me under. I was slowly losing my footing. I was paralyzed by any notion of rejection or ridicule; undone by the faint echo of disappointment in other’s words.

 

I needed my relationships in all the ways I should have needed God. I trusted the voice of others because I could never trust my own, and I could never quiet the quivering in my mind long enough to hear Him whisper His sweet and tender words, Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matt.11:28, NIV)

 

I thought of how He called Peter out on the water, how He pulled Him up from the waves and steadied his weak-knee’d, weary heart. (Matthew 14:22-33)

 

I remembered the woman at the well to whom He spoke words of compassion, of love, and gave her blistered, calloused heart new hope, new life, new rest. (John 4:1-26)

 

Could He give me rest?

 

Oh yes, He did give me rest, and He gave me so much more.

 

On my healing journey, I discovered that God not only wanted me to be healed, but whole. His desire for my life was to find rest and peace. To discover in the deepest bone and marrow within me that He was my rest and peace.

 

God rescued me from myself. He planted me on dry land and walked with me as I healed both spiritually and emotionally. He helped grow my roots and my identity to be strong and sure. He showed me what abundance looked like in my life and my relationships.

 

He said, I have come that they may have life, and have it more abundantly. (John 10:10b, NASB)

 

Yes, abundantly. Whole. Safe. Sound. Complete. Abounding. Overflowing. Abundantly. That is His desire for you, too!

 

He didn’t need me to be perfect. He didn’t need me to have it all together. He doesn’t need you to have it all together either.

 

[clickToTweet tweet="He loves you right in the middle of the chaos and broken places. #PeaceForALifetime " quote="He loves you right in the middle of the chaos and broken places. #PeaceForALifetime "]

 

My new book, Peace for a Lifetime: Embracing a Life of Hope, Wholeness, and Harmony Through Emotional Abundance, is for anyone who has ever felt hopelessly broken, who has lived life struggling to keep your head above water, who has felt weary, desperate, sinking. I share simple, practical life steps that can help you understand the hope and the life God has for you.

 

Will you come to Him today?

 

He’s reaching out His hand. He wants to pull you up and rescue you from drowning. He wants to give you indestructible rest and peace.

 

Reach out and take His hand, His rest. I did and I never looked back. Just when I thought I was about to go under, I was overwhelmed by His love and it changed my life forever!

To order your copy of 'Peace for a Lifetime' click here!

Has there ever been a time in your life when you thought you were about to go under and Jesus rescued you?  I'd love to have you join the conversation!

Blessings, 

Lisa

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How I Leverage My Time To Maximize My Peace

I’ve always been intentional with my time. It’s one of the most important tools I have. It impacts nearly everything I do. Well, almost everything.

Like many others, time is always something of which I never seem to have enough. Too many distractions and too many demands make it difficult to accomplish the goals I have set.

Many of our schedules are not condusive to a defined regiment and life today isn’t as neat or tidy as it was growing up.

Today I leverage my time to effectively manage much of my complex personal and professional life, and to maximize my peace.

Here’s a list of a few strategies I use:

  • I realistically look at the pockets of time that are not spoken for throughout the day. Sometimes it may be a 30-minute segment of time before work; sometimes, there may be 10 minutes in between meetings.

  • I mentally prioritize or write down in my journal the goals that would be most meaningful for me to accomplish. Sometimes deadlines force something to the top of the list, but otherwise I try to focus on what is most meaningful. That allows me to stay connected with my passions and purpose without becoming sidetracked or exhausted.

  • I strategize to assign smaller goals to smaller pockets of time and larger goals to larger pockets of time. I know my physical and mental make-up as well. I know the morning is when I am most refreshed and focused to write, so I try to schedule more in-depth creative tasks earlier in the day and easier, more administrative tasks later in the afternoon or evening.

  • I focus on the meaning in the moment. As I am engaged in one project, I do my best not to become overwhelmed by everything else I need to do. I spend a few moments deep-breathing to help keep me connected and centered on enjoying whatever the task is at hand. This may sound weird to some, but when I can look for meaning even in the small, mundane tasks, it allows me to be fully present in each moment and to find joy wherever I am. The rest of the day will come, the other tasks will be attended to. I do not want to waste this moment focusing on, overwhelmed by, consumed by another moment. This moment is the only one I’m guaranteed.

  • I schedule downtime. Again, depending on the pockets of time that emerge throughout the day, I make sure to assign time for unstructured play. This may mean a few moments of deep-breathing and guided imagery. It may also mean a cup of tea and a good book. Unstructured playtime is just as important as any other task I accomplish throughout the day. It allows my mind to relax and recharge. It grounds and soothes me physically and emotionally.

[clickToTweet tweet="The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule,but to schedule your priorities.-Stephen Covey" quote="“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” Stephen Covey"]

[clickToTweet tweet="“We will either walk well throughout our day, or our day will walk all over us.” @Lisa Murray " quote="“We will either walk well throughout our day, or our day will walk all over us.” Lisa Murray"]

Leveraging my time allows me to accomplish the things to which God has called me, but also frees me to enjoy each moment for the beautiful gift it is in my life.

Question: How do you leverage your time to maximize your peace?

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To learn more about my new book, 'Peace for a Lifetime' where I share tools to make the most of our margin as well as how to de-stress and enjoy the greatest meaning in life, click here or visit Amazon to buy the book.  

Blessings, 

Lisa

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THE $1.99 AMAZON eBOOK DEAL YOU CANNOT MISS

For TWO DAYS ONLY, MARCH 28-29, Amazon is offering the eBook of ‘Peace For A Lifetime’ for $1.99!!!!!

You cannot miss out on this deal!

 

To Order Your eBook Now Click Here

 

Have you or a loved one dealt with depression, anxiety? Do you feel your best life is always just beyond your reach? Do problems in relationships seem to follow you?

 

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, ‘Peace for a Lifetime’ can not only help you find healing from your deepest wounds, it can help you cultivate harmony and abundance in every area of your life AND your relationships.

 

Wouldn’t that be awesome - to move from emptiness to abundance, from brokenness to wholeness, from chaos to peace?

 

Here’s what you’ll discover:

 

  • Three things that keep people stuck in a cycle of despair and disappointment in their lives and in their relationships
  • Simple steps to build a healthy relationship with your emotions so you can make them work for you instead of against you in your life
  • A clear plan to get you investing in yourself in all the right ways so you can maximize your satisfaction, wellbeing, and God-given potential
  • Strategies for learning how to resolve conflicts and establish healthy boundaries in your relationships
  • Templates to begin growing your emotional vocabulary to that you can communicate more effectively with everyone in your life

 

So what is holding you back? There is so much to gain in your life by reaching forward. This journey marks a new beginning – your new beginning.

 

And with a deal like this one, you have nothing to lose and EVERYTHING to gain! Don’t just give ‘Peace For A Lifetime’ as a gift to yourself. Order them for your friends and loved ones. Or order a dozen for your summer small group study. They make a great leadership guide for any company or organization.

 

[clickToTweet tweet="MARCH 28-29, Amazon is offering the eBook of #PeaceForALifetime for $1.99!!!!! Order HERE! " quote="MARCH 28-29, Amazon is offering the eBook of #PeaceForALifetime for $1.99!!!!! Order HERE!"]

 

 

I’d love to hear from you – what area of your life do you struggle the most to create the life you’ve always dreamed? Leave your response in the comments below.

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Three Questions That Will Empower Your Peace

How To Stop the Chaos and Embrace the Life You’ve Always Dreamed 

Life just keeps coming at us. With all of the demands and distractions, it can be tough to focus, to find our way, to discover the things that matter most.

 

Most of us tend to live reacting to whatever crisis is thrown at us. We can’t even envision a life where we get to experience the fullness and abundance we’ve always dreamed. We’ve learned to settle.

 

There are three questions that I believe hold the keys to empowering your peace.

 

1. Are you living the life you’ve always dreamed?

 

What are your hopes and dreams? What does your ideal life look like? Have you buried your dreams in a faraway place because they seem too unrealistic or just too painful to resurrect?

 

God gave each of us dreams. He wants to give us a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) We will never get anywhere if we are not heading somewhere. I’m not channeling my inner Anthony Robbins, but what I am asking is where are the areas that you’ve given up, settled in, stopped living?

 

[clickToTweet tweet="We will never get anywhere if we are not heading somewhere. #PeaceforaLifetime" quote="We will never get anywhere if we are not heading somewhere."]

 

Perhaps some of those areas or dreams are places God wants to bring healing, passion, and purpose to your life. Perhaps He wants to give you more of your dreams than you ever imagined. We will never live our dreams if we have stopped dreaming them.

 

[clickToTweet tweet="We will never live our dreams if we have stopped dreaming them. #PeaceforaLifetime" quote="We will never live our dreams if we have stopped dreaming them."]

 

2.  What steps are you taking to build the life you want?

 

Many of us started out young and idealistic, ready to change the world. But as life wielded its gravitational pull on our hopes and dreams, we gave up and settled in.

 

Our dreams for our life don’t have to be big. You may have always dreamed of learning how to garden or paint. You may have the dream of becoming a writer, or a Bible Study leader. You may have always wanted to return to school, or build a business. What steps are you taking to achieve your dreams and create the life you want?

 

Our dreams are rarely accomplished in one step or one moment. Don’t give up on your dreams. Begin to take small steps toward them. It is all of the small accumulated steps that ultimately lead to big changes in our hearts, our lives, and our relationships.

 

3.  What prevents you from taking steps forward toward your dreams?

 

There will always be obstacles to our dreams. Insecurities, past hurts, challenges to our time and resources can interrupt or stall even the best laid plans. Yet it is more about what we do with the obstacles than whether or not we will experience obstacles in our lives that will ultimately determine the outcome.

 

God wants us to learn how to face the obstacles in our paths, to lean into them in order to grow our faith in Him, develop our own inner resources, and along the way discover the path to our greatest hopes and dreams.

 

When we’re empty, overwhelmed, and distracted, we tend to drift along, reacting to every situation life throws at us.  Some of us try to control every detail of life, but both ways of dealing will leave us exhausted and stuck.

 

My new book, Peace For A Lifetime, presents a powerful and proven alternative that will empower you to remove the obstacles, heal the wounds, and develop the tools to live your dreams.

 

Click Here To Learn More About The Book

 

You’ll learn:

 

  • How to recalibrate your relationship with emotions to get them to work for you in your life

 

  • The reasons you may feel “off,” stuck, or hopeless to move beyond your present circumstances or past pain

 

  • How to discover your authentic core self so that you can grow the investments you make into yourself and your future

 

  • Specific tools to maximize your relationship success

 

  • Powerful applications that will help give you the courage, the clarity, and vision to begin taking steps forward on your journey.

 

Peace For A Lifetime is available through Amazon and Barnes & Noble Online.

 

You can begin to reclaim the hope, wholeness, and harmony God desires for your life. You can begin today to build the life of your dreams.

 

Click Here To Order

 

What would happen in your life if you were able to remove the obstacles and live your dreams? Leave your comment below.

 

Blessings,

Lisa

 

You can also JOIN OUR SOCIAL MEDIA CONTEST and enter to win a $100 Amazon Giftcard!!! Post a picture of your book cover, use ‪#‎PeaceforaLifetime, and tag @_Lisa_Murray. That's it!! Plus, you can enter as many times as you want before March 25, 2016!!!!

amazon givaway for book

I'm so excited to announce the winners of my new fragrance, PEACE!!

Jamie M.

Rachel G.

Timothy K.

Katherine P.

Monica O.

Please email with your address so we can get your gift to you!!!

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We reached #5 on Amazon Best Sellers in Christian Counseling!!!

When I wrote Peace For A Lifetime, I knew the message of healing was needed. 

I knew this material could help thousands of people overcome the chaos and broken places in their lives, and finally discover a new way of living with courage, clarity, and abundance.

 

Yet I never expected this. On Friday, we reached #5 on Amazon’s Best Sellers in Christian Counseling List!

 

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I’ve been so amazed by your support and response, I have decided to extend the $57 worth of FREE BONUSES for another week, to allow more of you to take advantage of this incredible offer.

 

Once you purchase, send me your receipt using the form at LisaMurrayOnline.com, and I’ll send you $57 worth of gifts, including beautiful scripture printables, the pdf of the ‘Peace For A Lifetime’ Emotions Chart, the pdf of ‘Promises for Peace,’ and our exclusive Emotional Abundance Quiz.

 

To purchase, just click here.

 

Peace For A Lifetime isn’t just another self-help book, it is a journey —toward a life of hope, wholeness, and harmony that will allow you to get off the roller-coaster of pain and disappointment, and embrace a new way of living.

 

I cannot tell you how grateful I have been for your support this week, as I launched this book with an amazing launch party!

 

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And as I have seen the 5-star rating and 30-plus reviews that have come in…

 

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But it has been your personal notes have meant the world to me…

 

Can I just say I LOVED this book, and though I've never met the author, I've come to adore her through this book. Lisa offers healthy insight on how to discover peace in your everyday life. She is transparent and welcoming, she comes across as a friend you've known for a while, just the two of you sitting down over coffee, but through it, you learn so much about your emotional wounds and the healing you CAN receive to ultimately get you to a peace-filled life. It's a great read, I promise you will very much enjoy it. And if you don't think you need it, think again! That's what I thought at first, but while reading the book I uncovered areas of my life that needed healing. I would have never known if not for Lisa. Crystal

 

 

So order your copy today from Amazon. Then, go claim all the great bonuses at LisaMurrayOnline.com, and know I am SO excited about the lifetime of peace that awaits you as you embark on this journey!

 

Blessings,

Lisa

 

P.S. I want to see pictures of you with your book! Share your pictures on Facebook, or Twitter. Tag me and include the hashtag #PeaceForALifetime. Each post enters you to win and you can post as many times as you like. On March 26, I’ll draw a winner and award a $100 Amazon gift card!

amazon givaway for book

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Embracing Peace In A World of Chaos

How to discover abundance in the midst of the mess 

Everywhere around us the world is raging. Tragedy – chaos – uncertainty- fill the air. We can’t help but feel the weight of the world every time walk out our front door.

 

We see it in the news, we read about it on social media. We feel helpless that there is anything we can do to fix what is so terribly broken in the world around us.

 

We are, however, powerful to focus our energy on changing what is looking back at us in the mirror. We are powerful to live our lives with hope, abundance, and peace.

 

What would the world feel like to have a strong, solid foundation that would withstand the storms and struggles life inevitably brings?

 

How would life feel different if we had deep roots firmly planted in rich soil that gives our lives clarity, vision, and purpose?

 

The chaos of life doesn’t change – WE change!

 

I wrote Peace For A Lifetime as a result of my journey through brokenness. The lessons I learned, the healing and peace I have found apply no matter what your journey or your circumstances.

 

Trading Emptiness for Abundance

 

I’ve found three clear reasons Emotional Abundance will help you navigate the storms and find peace in the midst of the messes life can bring.

 

  1. Maximized HOPE! – Without a doubt your hope lies first and foremost in the person of Jesus Christ. He is your foundation spiritually, emotionally, and physically. As you learn to appropriate His hope into the emotional area of your life, you will experience the fullness, the abundance of hope He promises. Emotional Abundance allows you to walk through all the seasons of our lives and deal with them effectively so that you can face them without fear and find peace in the most difficult days.

 

Jeremiah 29:11(NIV) states, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

 

  1. Complete WHOLENESS! – God wants you to be not only healed, but whole. Emotional Abundance allows you to find healing for your wounds and experience wholeness within your own heart and mind. As you learn to be a good caretaker for your emotions, to create an environment of compassion and truth, you will begin to discover your emotional identity. God doesn’t want his children limping through life, barely surviving. He wants you to thrive. He wants you to discover your unique calling, your passion and purpose so that you can make a difference for His kingdom. As individuals become whole, the entire body of Christ becomes whole.

2 Timothy 1:7 (AMP) tells us that, “God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well- balanced mind and discipline and self-control.”

 

  1. Enduring HARMONY! – You were not meant to live in chaos. Your relationships were never supposed to be a rollercoaster of pain and disappointment. Emotional Abundance fosters peace and strength in your relationships so that you can enjoy them without being dependent on them for your happiness or wellbeing. When you look inside to find peace within yourselves, you don’t need as much from others, nor do you blame them for your unhappiness. Emotional Abundance allows you to deal with disagreements in a way that leaves you and others on the same team and preserves the openness, safety and respect needed for relationships to flourish.

Romans 15:5-6Amplified Bible (AMP) shares, “Now may the God Who gives the power of patient endurance (steadfastness) and Who supplies encouragement, grant you to live in such mutual harmony and such full sympathy with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may [unanimously] with united hearts and one voice, praise and glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah).

 

Embracing Peace

 

Our wounds steal from us a life of hope. They steal our identity, our abundance, our relationships. Our wounds ultimately steal our peace.

 

Life doesn’t have to be this way. This is not the life God has for you.

 

Peace isn’t just an illusion. Peace isn’t always for someone else. Peace is for you. Every time you have struggled and fallen has brought you to this place. You are ready. Now is the time.

 

You can learn to:

  • heal the wounds that have kept you stuck
  • feel, understand, and manage your emotions effectively
  • create an environment in which you can thrive
  • develop deep, satisfying relationships in your life

 

Yes, you can take back your power and discover a life of hope, wholeness, and harmony! If you’re ready, Peace For A Lifetime, can help show you the way.

 

 

Question: How would your life look different with more hope and wholeness?

Leave your answer below.

Blessings,

Lisa

 

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My New Book ‘Peace For A Lifetime’ is Finally Here!!!!

Get it today and claim $57 in FREE Bonuses as well as get entered to win one of five FREE bottles of my newest fragrance called PEACE, valued at $52.00!!!

 

I can hardly believe it. My new book Peace For A Lifetime is out today. This launch symbolizes a very important season of my journey.

 

Several years ago, I began to dream of how I could give the people of my home church a gift. You see, I founded the Counseling Ministry at my church almost ten years ago and coordinate all of the Family Ministry classes. I wanted to give people who were not able to go to counseling years of information I’ve discovered that will help them in their lives and relationships.

 

This information helped me transform my life both personally and professionally. In fact, as I explain in the book, these concepts guided me through some of the most challenging times of my life. Now I want to get that message out as far as I possibly can.

 

Click Here to Get Your Copy Today

 

I’ve been writing and teaching clients about living with Emotional Abundance for years now. So much of what I’ve learned, tested, and proven is in this book. It’s an important part of my life’s message.

 

The proven principles I lay out in Peace For A Lifetime have already been endorsed by Sheila Walsh, Patsy Clairmont, Dr. Tim Clinton, Constance Rhodes, Joanne Kraft and many more. And I am ready to share it with you.

 

In Peace For A Lifetime you’ll discover:

 

  • What prevents so many people from experiencing the abundance and peace they desire in their lives and relationships.

 

  • How to apply the fundamental skills of Emotional Abundance into every area of our lives so we can cultivate greater personal well-being and discover a life of enduring peace.

 

  • Personal stories, case studies, and applications for healing the broken places and unconscious wounds we have carried with us from our past.

 

  • A better way to think about the emotional arena of our lives.

 

  • Simple, practical Life Steps that can guide you on your journey toward cultivating peace in every area of your life.

 

Peace For A Lifetime presents a step-by-step guide to start healing, build an indestructible foundation for your life, and develop the tools that will take you there.

 

For people that buy in the next two weeks, I'm including some added bonuses to help you take action and see results immediately:

 

  • My Emotional Abundance Quiz to determine your level of Emotional Abundance
  • Peace For A Lifetime Emotions Chart that you can use to develop a strategic and effective emotional vocabulary
  • Two beautiful scripture printables (I couldn’t resist!)
  • My Promises For Peace pdf that has Scripture to help with whatever struggles you are facing

 

Together these bonuses are worth $57. And they’re FREE if you buy before March 12. You’ll also be entered to win one of five FREE bottles of my newest fragrance, PEACE.IMG_2186

 

I said at the start that this launch symbolizes an important season of my journey. But it does more than that.  It also opens a new season of my journey and this one involves you.

 

I’m confident that Peace For A Lifetime is exactly the tool you’re looking for to stop the chaos and brokenness, and get the life you want. Will you join me on this journey?

 

Click Here to Get Your Copy Today

 

Question: In what ways have you recently struggled to find

peace in your life? I'd love to hear your comments!


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Here's The Proof Behind The Book

I’ve spent the last fifteen years in my professional career researching the qualities that make individuals better able to effectively navigate their lives, their careers, their relationships. It’s not rocket-science, but most of us have never been shown the map, so to speak! 

Why are some people better able to deal with the stresses of life while others seem to crumble under the demands that life and relationships can bring?

 

Scientists have actually proven that our emotional intelligence is a greater predictor of success in life than our intellectual intelligence! EQ determines 80% of success in life vs. IQ determining 20%! WOW! Who knew?

 

All of the money parents spend on their children’s education, sports, etc. is largely wasted if we haven’t taught them these simple, practical life skills that will increase their Emotional Abundance (EA).

 

EA brings increased stability, satisfaction, as well as overall happiness and wellbeing in life.  EA allows us to navigate our emotions and make clear, wise decisions in our lives, our careers, our finances, and our relationships.

 

WHO WOULDN’T WANT THIS?

 

I want to share my discoveries with you. I want you to have access to information that can not only transform your life, but can dramatically influence the future success of your family, your children and their future families.

 

PRETTY IMPORTANT, HUH?

 

In a few short days, the information that I’ve learned and share every day with my clients, I will share with you.

 

  • Do you feel stuck in life?
  • Do you every wonder if there is more to life than what you are experiencing?
  • Do you long to experience hope, wholeness, and harmony in your relationships?
  • Do you want your children to be equipped to manage their lives and relationships successfully?

 

If you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are that you could benefit from the life-changing information found in Peace For A Lifetime.

 

On Monday, March 7, I’ll be releasing my new book, Peace For A Lifetime. I’ll also be sharing information about some gifts I have for you.

 

Your healing is right around the corner. Your future is waiting to begin!

 

Get ready!!

 

Blessings,

Lisa

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Real Comments From Real Readers

The Countdown begins-

just a few days until the release of "Peace For A Lifetime"!!!!!

So here we are.  Two days until the March 7 release!  Yet somewhere inside of us there is the question, do I really need this book?  With so many books out there, is this a book I should actually reach out and purchase?  Can I really experience peace for a lifetime?

I decided NOT to give you my opinion - it might be a little biased:-)  

So I sent my book out to a group of bloggers to get their feedback.  Man, has it been overwhelming and exciting!!!  I wanted to share with you just  a few of the comments that have been coming back to me.  Some are personal and I have protected their identities. Others have written reviews for you to check out and see for yourself.  

I can't even begin to describe how much I needed to read this book!! It was absolutely life changing, hands down! I know that I can't always control the circumstances in my life, but it is my choice to decide how I respond to those problems, especially when they involve other people. I will definitely be referring back to this book often!

Anonymous

 

Hi ladies! I am working on reading through Lisa's book and I am finding myself in tears. God has been working on peeling the layers of my heart and He told me last year that He was going to begin pulling roots. I surrendered to this process. I want to say thank you to Lisa Springer Murray because I believe this book is one more step to pulling out the roots so God can move me more into the abundant life He has called me to.

Anonymous

 

I am gaining so much from reading Lisa's words. Highlighter, post-its, Bible and Journal in hand; and I love the way it is all leading back to Christ. Awesomeness!:)

Anonymous

 

Your book is already impacting my life in incredible ways as I have been in an anxiety/peace struggle recently...daily!  Thank you!

Anonymous

 

My view to this point is that Lisa, you have nailed a healthy view of emotional health in a way often missing within the world and even the body of Christ. Thanks, Lisa!

Anonymous, Retired LMFT, retired director of church counseling center

 

As I read through your book, it's therapy. The Lord began the healing journey in me a few years ago, but He's using your words to fertilize that healing. The impact for me personally has been great. Thank you for penning each word on those pages. 

Anonymous

 

Lisa, your book intimidates me. It knows more about me than I want it to. The words have challenged me and brought into the light spaces that were so dark that I didn’t know they were spaces at all... It’s a painful first step! And then a difficult one, as the lights flick on and suddenly there is before you something new filled with something very old. A storage space in the back of the closet harboring junk you only so briefly new existed. That’s how your book is for me. I’m thankful for it. I’ve finished it, but I’ll be back to it again and again... “Peace for a Lifetime” is bringing about a long-sought-after change in my heart. A spark in a process that I know the Lord will continue throughout my journey. Thank you, sweet Lisa, for writing on this topic we’re not taught about. Thank you for writing to those with little and big “t” traumas so that they all can be handled and felt healthily. Thank you for obeying the Lord in your writing and being an example of faith- He’s used you as vessel for my healing, at very least! It’s a blessing and an honor.

Anonmyous

 

I just finished the book...amazing! I honestly just want to start all over again and work on slowly applying each chapter. Loved it! Wanted to share these sweet moments Lisa Springer Murray - my son Ben (16)was chatting with a friend who had recently gone through a break up. All of the sudden I see him run downstairs and grab your book. I listened as he asked his friend the questions from page 98 about processing emotions. After he hung up he said that it had helped his friend a lot just being able to talk it out. It was only a couple weeks ago that Ben was asking me what it meant to process emotions and now he's passing on the knowledge. I love how applicable this book is! In addition my 14 year old daughter and I had gotten into a disagreement about shoes (girls!). Afterwards she came to me and said: "I'm sorry for how I acted. When that happened with the shoes I was frustrated and I just wanted to share that with you. I love you." I thought I was going to pass out! Taking the time to intentionally teach these principles to my kids is paying off. You are making a BIG difference in the life of my family. I really can't thank you enough.

Anonymous

 

Earlier today my hubby and I were discussing setting an intentional time to review the book and its exercises with the kids. ‪Lisa - you've written a life-changer. Praise God!

Anonymous

 

I have a confession to make. As I got a few chapters into the book, I found myself dealing with emotional baggage from the past that I had not expected to find... Like Lisa Springer Murray talks about in the very first chapter, I was angry. Mad. Resentful. And I didn't even know it. I say all of that to say this - there is real work and healing coming from this book and these words. And I am so thankful for that. It is a wonderful book. Sometimes that work is not easy. But it's always worth it!

Anonymous

 

This was such a blessing to read. Lisa is an anointed author. God worked deeply in my heart as I read through this. This is a must read!!

Anonymous

 

Have you ever read something that someone else has written and it speaks exactly what you feel in your heart, almost as if you had written it yourself? I've been glued to the pages of my friend Lisa Springer Murray's new book, Peace for a Lifetime.  WOW! I love how God will allow you to revisit moments to be reminded of His goodness. I'm still working on leaning in but the journey is oh so sweet! You know the very last word she wrote, "belovedness" really made me smile... Y'all will love the heart behind this book and the message Lisa brings. 

Anonymous

 

 

Reviews:

Suzanne Eller – Proverbs 31 speaker and writer - ‪http://buff.ly/1S3knbJ ‪

 

Angela Howard - http://www.noordinarydays.com/2016/02/29/you-can-experience-peace-for-a-lifetime/

 

Angela Parlin - http://www.angelaparlin.com/peace-for-lifetime/

It's not available just yet, but in a few days it will be available

on Amazon and Barnes and Noble Online!


Blessings, 

Lisa


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From Pain To Peace

ONE WEEK UNTIL THE MARCH 7

"PEACE FOR A LIFETIME" BOOK LAUNCH!!!!!

I'm honored to be guest posting today at my dear friend, Kelly Balarie's place, Purposeful Faith.  She has been a fearless and passionate follower of Christ, leader, and cheerleader in the online community.  Let's show her our community love and support by visiting her site and share, share, share the post on Facebook and Twitter.

Also, if you haven't had the chance to support the "Peace For A Lifetime" book launch on Thunderclap, please click here>> https://www.thunderclap.it/en/projects/37713-peace-for-a-lifetime-release?utm_content=buffer0291d&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer.

 It takes 30 seconds!!!  Blessings, friends!

 

It was the tipping point. The beginning of the fall. No, it wasn’t a crash, a sudden impact dive that you didn’t see coming. I saw this coming. I could feel it making its way toward me and yet, I was entirely helpless to stop it.

 

It was a slow, distinct unraveling. That moment where you can feel the wheels teetering ever so slightly out of balance until the whole thing comes unhinged. My heart, that is.

 

This was the season of my undoing.....   To read the rest of the article, click here!!!

 

BANNER-21


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Blessings,

Lisa

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Why We Are the Most Influential Person In Our Relationships

 Somehow we may think, Donald Trump may be the most influential person in his relationships, but certainly we could never be the most influential person in our relationships.

 

We can come up with all the reasons why we could never be that influential —our past, our failures, our weaknesses, our fears. Surely the people around us with whom we are in relationship, they would certainly be more influential than us. Right?

 

Wrong. We are the most influential person in our relationships because we are the only people we are capable of changing or influencing.

 

Our ability to create a life of Emotional Abundance and peace is almost entirely up to us. When we commit to seek God and His healing, we will find both. Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV) states, You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. The Emotional Abundance we experience as a result will overflow and impact all of our relationships.

 

If you’ve ever felt helpless or hopeless in your relationships, God has so much more in store for you! He longs for you to know His peace in every relationship in your life.

 

Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares why you are the most influential person in your relationships.

 

We all have tendencies toward certain defense mechanisms we learned early on to keep us safe or perhaps even to survive. Those defense mechanisms will destroy the fabric and beauty of any relationship. They will undermine the safety, respect, and trust that every relationship needs to thrive.

Once we become aware of our defenses, we are empowered to begin building new ways to engage in our relationships. We can keep ourselves safe no matter what. We can open ourselves to hear another’s experience, and we can open ourselves to sharing our experience. We can communicate calmly, clearly, and directly. We can lay aside our need to defend, our need to win at all costs, and even our need to change our partner. As we do, we will learn we can come into safe contact with others and enjoy the process of building relationship.

We are the key. We own responsibility for ourselves in our communication, our life, and our relationships. We cannot ask or require another person to take responsibility for our safety, happiness, or well-being. This is the essence of our work with ourselves and God. Our relationships are merely the canvas on which we get to practice and experiment.

We can never blame another for our lack of, whether a lack of safety, a lack of peace, or a lack of having our needs met. The responsibility for us ultimately lies with us. We are in charge of our safety, peace, even our needs. If something must come from another, we are in charge of using our voice to speak our thoughts, feelings, and needs in a healthy, respectful way.

We do not even need our partners or friends to be healthy in order for us to be healthy. Many people give up and say that they cannot use healthy communication if their partner doesn’t use healthy communication; that they cannot change unless their partner is willing to change.

If our health or emotional wellbeing is dependent upon what another person does or does not do, on what they promise to do or not to do, our emotional health is on shaky ground. The more I am able to shift my focus from someone else as the key to my peace, to me as the key to my peace, the more likely I am to find peace. The person over whom I have the greatest amount of control and influence is me.

 

What freeing news! Indeed, we are the most influential person in our relationships. Don’t buy into the notion that you could never change. You can. You will. He will —change your life from the inside out. That alone will influence ALL of your relationships.

 

I share simple, practical life steps in my book, Peace For a Lifetime, that can help you understand the life God desires for you. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!

 

Now Available Banner

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How Poor Communication Can Destroy a Relationship

 We all believe we have great communication skills. It is everyone else around us who has the communication problems, right?

 

The truth is, most of us are not taught how to communicate effectively. We see things, feel things, perceive things from our unique perspective and we assume others see, feel, and perceive things just like we do. When they don’t, we feel frustrated, ignored, unheard.

 

If we want to have healthy, satisfying relationships, we must learn healthy communication skills.

 

Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares how poor communication can destroy a relationship.

 

Several years ago I was working with a middle-aged couple, Rick and Audrey, who had been married for fifteen years. As I questioned Audrey to learn more about what wasn’t working in their relationship, she openly shared her frustration with Rick. From her perspective, he just wasn’t willing to meet her needs. Her primary complaints were Rick’s lack of affection and lack of help around the house. I followed up by asking what she had done previously to address her concerns with Rick. She replied she had told him repeatedly he was selfish and didn’t care about her at all.

Rick for his part, was mostly silent during my initial conversation with Audrey. He seemed frustrated and angry just hearing her complaints. When I addressed him to find out his concerns, his only response was, “Her.” He described he is usually attentive and doesn’t go out with his buddies to drink; he just doesn’t know what her problem is. “I think when she gets like this, she’s just crazy,” he explained. “I should have known she’d be just like her mother. This really has nothing to do with me. I’m just here to get her the help she needs.”

I asked Audrey if she had ever shared with Rick her specific complaints and how she felt about them. She replied he should know. “If he loves me, he should know the things that are important to me and should try to meet my needs.”

While I understood Audrey’s perspective and her frustration with the dynamic at work between the two of them, thinking that Rick was able to somehow know what her needs were if she was not able to communicate them clearly was a stretch.

To be honest, most of us at some point have had the experience of expecting or assuming someone should know something about us even though we have never communicated our thoughts or feelings to them. So often we carry hurts and frustrations regarding unmet needs that we have never spoken.

This illustration shows, among other things, how poorly Rick and Audrey communicate with one another. In her attempt at communicating, Audrey accuses Rick of being selfish, of not loving her or trying to meet her needs. Rick feels defensive and lashes back by placing the blame on Audrey, calling her names, and belittling both her and her mother. None of this communication is healthy and none of their interactions will bring Emotional Abundance (EA)—being able to effectively manage our emotions so we can appropriately respond to the people and circumstances around us—to the relationship.

 

Your relationships don’t have to be the source of such frustration. You don’t have to feel so alone with your partner. You can learn effective communication skills that will breathe new life and new hope into your relationship.

 

I share simple, practical life steps in my book, Peace For a Lifetime, that can help you understand the life God desires for you. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!

 

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Why We Can Never Move Past Our Childhood Until We Face It

Most of us find little use in dissecting our past and dredging up old childhood memories. We wonder, “What does that have to do with the mess I’m in today?” “What good can possibly come from talking about my childhood?”

For many, their family life growing up was less than ideal, and brings up painful memories that have long since been buried. Or so we thought.

Much of our life today, from how we handle stress, how we interact in relationships, to the things we believe about ourselves, about others, about God is directly shaped from our experiences within our families growing up.

We cannot outrun it, we cannot forget it. We are powerful to heal the wounds from our past and move past them as we learn to come face to face with them. Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares the importance of dealing with our childhood wounds so that we can build a life for ourselves and our children, that is uniquely different, emotionally abundant and peace-filled.

From the time we open our eyes in the morning, we are constantly coming into contact with people—whether they share our bed, our house, our neighborhood, our office, or our church. At the point we make contact, something unique happens. A spark ignites, a reciprocity of energy is exchanged, and a dynamic is created.

Our best understanding of relational dynamics comes from the system of dynamics set up in our family of origin. The family style where we were raised carries a powerful force where individual members learn to connect with one another in unique ways that are mutually affecting. Patterns evolve whereby each member adopts a certain role within the family that allows the system to function as a whole.

Family systems form the basis for all our human interactions and relationships because the role we adopt within the family system is usually carried into all of our future adult relationships. These roles become a stable, though sometimes unconscious, part of our identity. Because family systems are driven by a process called homeostasis, the tendency to maintain stability or equilibrium, they are therefore usually resistant to change.

Have you ever had the experience of going back home to visit after having been away and feeling as though you were fifteen years old again the moment you walked through the door? That is the power of homeostasis at work within the family system. Some people might resist returning home because of the incredibly strong dynamics that leave them feeling child-like, helpless, weak, or even angry. Avoiding home may seem to provide the best solution.

While there are some extreme situations where home was physically, emotionally, or sexually abusive, and being cut-off provides the option of last resort for survival and health, most of us experience the fullness of our relational healing by returning home, figuratively speaking. This means our healing becomes complete the more we can understand our role in the family system, learn how to unhook from the homeostatic force that wants us to stay the same, and begin to differentiate ourselves well enough to interact with others, even our family of origin, from a place of peace and EA. The power of returning home frees us from our historical role in the family system and allows us to carry this freedom—this new, solid self into all of our adult relationships.

Interestingly, we can at any time, from any place, with any person begin to exercise EA in our relationships. No decision for EA is ever wasted. The muscles that we strengthen in one relationship can be translated into other relationships. Please note, the goal is never to change or fix someone else. The goal is to heal, understand, and grow ourselves so we can engage in any relationship and experience peace for ourselves as we connect with our loved ones.

It is never too late to heal and to grow. Our relationships will flourish as we are able to understand our childhood influences as well as feel and manage our emotions effectively so that we are better able to express them in a healthy way to the people around us.

The results are worth it. You are worth it. You don’t have to remain chained to the same old ways of dealing with life that you’ve been using. You are not destined to “be” just like your father or mother or others from your childhood. God has a unique plan and purpose for you. He wants you to be free from those chains so you can embrace your God-given identity and destiny.

In my book, Peace For a Lifetime, I share simple, practical life steps that can help you understand the life God desires for you. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!

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What True Abundance Looks Like In Our Relationships

 There is nothing like spring! After months of endless grey skies and bone-chilling temperatures that have kept us huddled inside, the first green sprigs we see pushing out from the dull, barren tree branches make us want to celebrate with joy.

 

Those little green buds on the trees mean one thing – winter is over. New life is here.

 

Yet new life doesn’t just start in spring. Those awesome green buds are simply the outward fruit of growth that has been happening underneath the surface. Without a strong root system growing deep underground, without a strong trunk to give stability and transport nutrients throughout the tree, there would be no vibrant display of life on display each spring.

 

The same is true for our lives and relationships. Thomas Merton stated, We are not at peace with others because we are not at peace with ourselves, and we are not at peace with ourselves because we are not at peace with God.

 

We cannot experience life in our relationships if we are not experiencing life within ourselves; and we cannot experience life within ourselves if we are not experiencing life in our relationship with God.

 

For so many of us, there is little that is living or vibrant in our relationships.

 

Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares what true abundance looks like in our relationships. God wants our relationships to be beautiful extensions of His love and grace at work in our lives.

 

As I sit down to write this morning, my eyes are continually drawn outside my window to witness the miracle happening before me. Spring is here, and everywhere little buds of green are pushing their way up from the ground’s surface. The forsythia’s yellow blossoms are beginning to explode, and tiny red petals are filling the barren branches of my beloved rose bushes. Before long, tulips in every color of the rainbow will begin to steal the show as they announce their arrival with an unequaled majesty.

In amazement, I wonder how this happened. Yesterday everything was dead and brown, yet today the whole world is being reborn before my very eyes. Spring is my favorite time of year.

A couple of years ago, my husband and I planted some Leyland cypress trees in our yard. Ever since, we have been faithfully watering them and fertilizing them exactly the way we were instructed, yet they have not grown quickly to become the grand towers of shade I had envisioned.

So a few weeks ago when a lawncare specialist was spraying the lawn, I inquired as to why my trees weren’t growing like they should. The man chuckled and began to explain that the trees were indeed growing, but most of their growth thus far was underneath the surface of the ground. He described that during the first two years or so, the trees were establishing a healthy root system and that they needed to grow big underground before they started to grow big above ground. He encouraged me to be patient, knowing they would eventually take off and grow bigger than I could imagine.

At that moment, everything made sense. This new life, these new beginnings on display in my garden are a reflection of where we are on our journey toward cultivating new life and new abundance in our relationships. All of the work we have done thus far has been in establishing and growing our root system underground, so we could have a strong, solid trunk. Now, the final stage is being set to see the healthy new growth reach far and wide into our relationships.

 

You don’t have stay stuck in under-nourished, barren relationships. The investment you make in cultivating peace with God and peace with yourself will bring forth abundance and peace in all of your relationships.

 

In my book, Peace For a Lifetime, I share simple, practical life steps that can help you understand the life God desires for you. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!

 

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Why Unlocking the Past Can Hold the Key To Our Healing

We all have a past. No matter who we are, no matter where we were raised, we each have a story, a history that has been etched into the seams and shadows of our hearts.

We didn’t ask for the things we experienced as children. Whether it was a chaotic family life, our parents’ divorce, or financial struggles, whether it was the rejection and ridicule we experienced from our so-called friends at school, by the time we made it to adulthood, life had already begun to take its toll.

The problem is, the wounds we carry from our past into our adult lives don’t just fall by the wayside once we graduate from school. Our wounds affect and infect everything from our work, our relationships, our faith and our inner peace. We can’t outrun our wounds, we can’t ignore them, we can’t escape them.

We can heal them. We can find freedom from them. The abundant life God desires for you doesn’t include your wounds, or your burdens.

If you’ve ever felt hopeless that life could ever be different – it can! Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares why unlocking the past can hold the key to our healing.

Debra was forty-eight years old when she pursued therapy in order to deal with her addiction to alcohol. Our initial conversation revealed that Debra grew up in an alcoholic family. She was the oldest of four children.

Growing up, she watched daily as her father came home from work and began his evening ritual of pouring himself a few drinks before dinner. With each drink, his agitation increased. He would start with angry comments about the news. Then he would bicker with her mom, and yell at the kids to, “shut up so I can have some peace and quiet,” as Debra recalled. By suppertime, he was in a virtual rage. His bickering escalated into cursing and name-calling. Seemingly he was looking for something that would give him an excuse to explode.

Debra remembered a night when she was six years old that her dad stood up from the table and began to beat her mom violently. Debra immediately took the little ones to their room. When she came back to the dining room, she started pulling on her dad’s arm, desperately trying to get him off of her mom. He merely flung her off while he continued his vicious attack.

One night when Debra was fifteen years old, as another fight began, she stood in front of her mom with a knife and threatened to kill her dad if he ever touched her mom again. He never did.

To make matters worse, Debra was molested by a teacher when she was twelve years old. Though she told her parents, they didn’t believe her and refused to take any action that might embarrass the family.

Since then, Debra has always found herself in relationships where there is a lot of drama. Whether the drama is from her boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend, his boss, or a nosy neighbor, there is always a fight to be had, and she is ready for battle. The relationships usually end when there are no more battles to wage.

The losses have been tremendous for Debra. She began to rely on alcohol many years ago as a way to deal with the pain of the break-ups. She feels so alone, and the sadness is overwhelming. She just wants to feel loved, to feel safe. Her current boyfriend truly does love her but can’t take Debra’s drama anymore.

When I asked what role faith played in her life, she responded she had a general belief in God. She related having a lot of anger toward Him, not understanding how a loving God could have allowed her to experience everything she did as a child. She also felt God had abandoned her just like her parents did when she told them of her molestation. Certainly she could not feel safe with someone else who was going to leave.

Though Debra survived her childhood, she did not escape the emotional residue that contaminated everything in her life, including her relationship with God.

Thankfully, this is not the end of the story for Debra. God had another plan for Debra’s life. A plan for healing, a plan for life, a plan for peace.

God has another plan for your life, too! He has not abandoned you. He has not forgotten your wounds or your pain. He longs to heal all that is broken in you. He longs to give you a new life and a new future.

I share simple, practical life steps in my book, Peace For a Lifetime, that can help you understand the life God desires for you. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!

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When Peace Always Seems Just Beyond Your Reach

When I was four years old, I started taking piano lessons right along side my older brother, the prodigy. I practiced so hard, hoping one day I could be just like him.

 

When I was six years old, I remember sitting in the pew at church one Sunday morning, listening to my brother play the piano. His performance was both effortless and beautiful. He was special and loved by everyone. How I longed to be special, too.

 

I remember thinking to myself, I better figure something out here, and I better figure it out fast.

 

I needed to get good at something if I wanted to be special, if I wanted to feel worthy, if I wanted to be loved. And I was desperate to be loved.

 

That moment set the course for the road I would take that eventually led me into my twenties and the season I like to call, the season of my undoing. By the time I graduated from college and the power of the real world began to exert its gravitational pull on my hopes and dreams, my life was quickly starting to unravel before my eyes.

 

I was driven to win. I was obsessed with receiving other’s approval. I was demanding and critical of myself. I was terrified of rejection. I had a hard time listening to criticism. I felt it impossible to say no to other’s demands. I could never speak my thoughts and feelings and I did my very best to avoid any conflict that came my way.

 

Yes, I was raised in church. Yes, I always loved Jesus. I knew Him. I studied Scripture. Yet somewhere in the deepest caverns and hollows of my heart, what I could believe for so many others, I could not believe for myself.

 

Other people could be whole, I thought, but that must not be for me.

 

No amount of study, prayer, or faith ever seemed to glue together what was terribly broken inside. I wanted to be healed. I longed to know what wholeness felt like. I craved peace more than anything I could imagine.

 

And then my healing came. Not in the way you’d expect. Jesus ushered me into a sacred place. A sacred season of emotional healing. Jesus led me from my season of undoing into my season of healing and He never let go.

 

I heard Him whisper to me, Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28, NIV)

 

He gave me rest. For months, as I talked with my counselor, Jesus walked with me and helped me to rebuild the foundation of my life. He nurtured the roots of our relationship well. I felt my worth for the first time. I saw His delight in me.

 

I was building and living a life of peace. It was all I had ever hoped for. Longed for. To breathe. To feel solid and sure. To experience wholeness. To experience abundance. Physical abundance. Spiritual abundance. Emotional abundance.

 

In John 10:10b (NKJV) Jesus shares, I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

My new book, Peace for a Lifetime: Embracing a Life of Hope, Wholeness, and Harmony Through Emotional Abundance, is for anyone who has ever felt hopelessly broken, who has lived life just scraping the bottom of the barrel, who has felt empty, hollowed-out, undone.

 

Is peace something that has always escaped you?

 

Is peace something you have always wanted in your relationships, but have never managed to experience, at least not for any length of time?

 

This is not how life has to be. This is not the life God has for you.

 

You don’t have to keep trying so hard to prove your worth. You don’t have to keep pushing, hoping that everything will turn out okay. Healing isn’t just for someone else. Healing is for you.

 

Jesus is whispering to you, Come to me…

 

Will you come to Him today? Will you accept the peace He has for you? Will you let Him walk you from your season of pain into His peace?

 

You can experience the love for which you long.

 

You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine.

 

You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow.

 

You can experience peace —for a lifetime.

 

 

Blessings, 

Lisa

 

Click here to learn more about the book!!!

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